What gets me is so many people keep telling me that I am not ready and I have no idea of what I am in store for. How I am going to be over protective and up to my ears in not knowing what to do. In some ways they may be right. I mean this is my first child, this will be my first time at actually being a dad.
But what they don't seem to get is that I am already comfortable with my limitations of not knowing what the future holds. There is no instruction manual and there is no way of seeing the future that I am aware of. So why sweat it really. If she comes into the world healthy then I think we are off to a great start.
I would love to say I hope she is born happy as well as healthy, but think about it. For nine months she has not had to do anything but sleep, be warm and move about a bit. On that glorious day, she is going to be shoved out of the only place that she ahs ever known, for the first time she will see direct light and a bunch of strange faces and things swirling about her, and then somoen is going to slap her on her ass and then flush out her mouth and sinuses with saline. I rather think I would be pissed with that myself.
I have five nephews, and two nieces and for three of my nephews I spent seven months having to help raise them, change diapers and help potty train one. I dealt with them being sick, and my second oldest nephew lived with me for a year when he was born. In truth I have a leg up over most people walking into this.
I am not overly optomistic, nor do I think I will know exactly what to do all the time, but I can fake it. I will be wrong at times and I will even be guilty of making a few bad decisions based on what I think is best for my daughter and any other rugrats that I might have in the future.
I am not so much worried as I am anxious to get to meet my little RC and help her through life as best I can. I even have a plan to help me do this. It was the same plan I came up with as a twleve year old kid, who was going through what some might have called a mental breakdown back then.
The plan is: The world is seperated into Needs and Wants. You need air, water, food and shelter to live. You want things like Toys, diamonds, and gigantic luxury items.
I plan to, as best I can, make sure she has all her needs met before she even knows she needs them. That part is actually pretty easy to accomplish at times. In a selfish sort of way, I know if I need them then she does more than likely, you know save pain killers and medicine for what I am certain is going to be a bumpy ride for me trying to keep up with a small child.
Wants on the other hand are actually trickier. A desire for something that you do not necessarily need will always be there. But to completely eliminate a want just because she doesn't need it is not fair. She does not need a lot of toys, but every once and a while spoiling her let her know that I do think of her. As she grows older, her wants will increase in size and price. Well if she was born a little adult I could reason with her. But she will not be, or if she does some out knowing Newtonian Physics then she will still not have a complete grasp on the world at large. Math is math, it is easy int he fact that it does not have emotions or its own opinion that you have to deal with.
At one point in my life I said I couldn't have kids because I was too selfish, and now I can't wait to meet my daughter. Oh I plans to raise me a bad ass bitch. Yeah I want her to take the world by storm, be rational and use logic, use emotion to drive herself and achieve what she wants. Stand for herself and be strong and stand up for others. Fight a good fight and even in loss be gracious and in victory be humble.
She does not have to be a nobel peace prize winner to make me proud, hell her doing her best and showing the world what she's got, is good enough for me. Although I do hope she goes into Engineering because then that would mean I can make jokes with her about differentiation, and pass her notes for passwords using integrals. But if not, as long as she is happy then that is great. Although to be honest, if she decides her life calling is being a pole dance, I am probably not going to go visit her at work...EVER.
I hope she is a horror movie buff, because her mom and myself both are, and the family that kills together, can't rat on anyone because fuck it, we are in it together and the gas chamber can hold three in Texas.
I hope that she does not mind if I do to her what my parents did to me, and that was enroll me in Martial Arts and Fencing classes. Being at peace with the world does not mean that the world is at peace with you. So prevetative measures some times needs to be take.
I want her to speak the language and write it as well. This is my want. We can work around learning disorders and such, but by god do not say OMG or LOL to me. This might result in soap in the mouth sorta thing.
Watch old Looney Tunes and not this touchy feely, come with a thousand warning labels and drop your IQ by ten points for every ten minutes of watching it kind of stuff. Being popular and fitting in cartoons and tv shows piss me the fuck off. Be your own person and not some fucking carbon copy of what a TV exec tells you you should be.
I want her Significant Others to understand one thing: I have weapons permits and I have friends who are forensic pathologist and a friend in the Department of Justice and another who is coming out of special forces. I will end you, console your parents when you don't come home one night, end them if they ask too many questions and have people who will help me cover it up. Do not screw over my child. I hope to teach my little girl that feelings are important and playing games with them is stupid. End the relationship if you are than Priority and they are nothing more thna an option. It hurts no matter what, but at least you do right by them.
You know I could go on and on about the things I want for my daughter and what I would want her to do, be and appreciate. But blogs are meant to be shorter than this.
So I part on this, my family will be my life and my reason for being, I will be there as much as I can and I woll do all that I can to make sure that the needs are met, and the wants are kept in check. I will DESTROY any who seek to hurt my family, and I got the skills, friends, and family to do it with. I want her to be a good person and only pick those who want to be good to and for her. Sacrifices come and not all cna be avoided, but keeping a level head and showing the world that you are worth taking notice of goes a long way.
Until that time and that place
For those who might be wondering, I have written up to chater 10, but chapter 4 has quite a few typos, and chapter five is a train wreck in my opinion (Funny how it seemed so much better while I was writing it) so I have not posted the new chapters. I plan on doing that something before this weekend, so if you want, check out the writing at www.thewritersblock.yuku.com
